Okay; let me see if I understand this correctly. The economy of the United States, and by extension, the world, is entering a recession. Recessions happen from time to time. They are as unavoidable as gnats on picnic ice cream or sneers on Billy Idol. If I remember my economics one-oh-one correctly, things tend to go in a cyclical fashion when you are dealing just about anything; be it business, basketball programs, weather, or national and world economies.
Let’s accept the fact that on occasion, things aren’t going to go along in a lovely, happy-happy-joy-joy fashion. They just can’t. To use a rock and roll metaphor I just thought up, you can let the good times roll, but according to Styx, you have to pay the ferryman to get to the other side.
Listen to the Money Talk…
To continue my dangerous foray into the world of rock and roll voodoo economics, let’s say you have spent too much on amplifiers and have run your credit cards to the limit because you just couldn’t stay away from that sale on leather pants, tongue studs, diamond guitar picks, and blue M&M’s. Your credit is maxed out and the variable rate mortgage on your “crib” is going up, like a Stairway to Heaven.
Even the most stoned rock star, Hell… even the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent would tell you that it is time to pull back, save some money, pay off some credit cards and shoot deer (and various other wildlife) with your bow and arrows to cut food costs. Other rock stars might advise you to start growing your own drugs, wear out your own jeans, and drive yourself to rehab instead of renting a limo. Your manager, after taking his fifteen percent cut of your life, would advise you to fire some staff and maybe vacation this year in Florida instead of the south coast of France.
Your Own Private Idaho?
I am fifty two, but not a B-52 so I can’t tell you that you need to go to your own private Idaho to weather the upcoming financial storm. I can tell you that I have learned from my fifty two years on this planet that you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.
It wouldn’t hurt any of us to cut back a little on the outrageous spending orgy we’ve all been taking part in. Just how many cars do you need? Do we need to eat out every single night? Face facts… Would it kill you to miss an expensive restaurant meal? If you’re like me, you’ve eaten so much during the holidays that when you are outdoors near a lake or a stream, Greenpeace volunteers are probably trying to roll you back into the water because they have mistaken you for a whale.
Eight-Six-Seven-Five-Two-Oh-Nine
According to the recent economic stimulus package passed by the House of Reprehensibles, if your yearly income is below $86,752.09, they are going to send you a check for six hundred bucks. If your income is over Cheri’s phone number, they will double-down and send you a cool twelve hundred simoleons. Unless you were sitting on the dock of the bay, wasting time, you might think that the government would encourage the people they send this money-money-money-MONeeee to save at least a little of it or pay down some of their horrible credit card debt.
Cheeses Sliced! Elvis Lives!
You might hope that the recipients of this largess might be able to make the mortgage payment on the house they couldn’t afford in the first place. But, nooo… the government wants you to get the check, cash the check and immediately spend the money on something. It really doesn’t matter to them what you spend this money on as long as you spend it. The worst thing you can do, according to them is save it.
This spending spree will, in theory, keep the great Big Pink Cadillac tooling down the metaphorical economic highway like Elvis going out for twenty seven burgers with sliced cheese, peanut butter, bananas, mayonnaise, and fried shrimp.
China Girl
The money you spend will probably be spent on consumer electronics, clothing, and lead painted toys for the kiddies or maybe some tainted dog food for rover. No matter what you blow your new found wad on, it will all end up in China.
If you wanna rock and roll all night and party every day with the money I don’t blame you, but if you get all excited about the government giving you money that you already sent them in taxes you need to let it be. It is all a three card monte game and it is being played with your cash.
The economy is fine and doesn’t need to change. It is the government we need to change and not just so we can make our own lead painted toys and tainted dog food. I’ll end my lecture with the best rock and roll economic quote ever sung. It was sung by the Beatles at the end of Abby Road and makes more sense than Dubya’s big money give-away to the Chinese:
“And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
