There has been a lack of good political humor out there recently because of the writer’s strike. Even though they never invited me into their little union, I have stood in solidarity with my typing-for-a-living brothers and sisters for over a month.

            But in the immortal words of Dolly Parton at a rhinestone sale, “enough is never enough.”

            All labor strife aside, it is my duty as a writer of satire and cheap shots to jump right back into the political arena and make minimal money making fun of people who are, quite likely, much better than me.

Here’s How I See It:

The Demagogues

            Hillary is probably in shock as she realizes that the word must not have gotten out that she was supposed to win everything. Many people in this country have missed the memo that told the world that any political candidate who went up against the Clinton machine would perish in flames.

            In other words, being the wife of the president might make you a senator in NY (where they elect all sorts of people – even people from Arkansas) but it isn’t a given that the rest of the country will vote for you just because they’d like to date your husband.

            Obama is in the enviable position of being in the lead without having said much of anything about anything. I think once he starts talking about more than what great friends he is with Oprah, he’ll run into trouble. He seems like a nice guy and if he ran for county commissioner I’ve vote for him in a heartbeat. I just won’t put a guy who hasn’t been around all that long near the nuclear button. Change for the sake of change is a fad, not a political movement.

            What’s his name – that lawyer guy with the polyurethane hair – you know… that ambulance chaser from, what is it? South Carolina? Doesn’t have a chance. You can’t tell everybody you want to fight poverty and help the common man while flying your private jet to your next $300 haircut. A lot of us were born yesterday, but not anybody who votes.

            That leaves various Democrat candidates who are clearly unaware that they have already lost or are too busy waiting for the mother ship to notice that nobody cares.

On To the Republimicans!

Rudy Giuliani is dead in the water. Probably a nice man – I’m sure that all of his various wives have really liked him. He was a good leader in NY during the 911 days, but what has he done for us lately? If he wants to save his campaign, he might consider two things:

• A decent hairpiece, and

• Ride to every event on the side of a fire truck because if we need one thing from this man it is one more reminder of what a great mayor he was during 911.

Mitt Romney might end up being the nominee. After all, he looks a little like Reagan, who every true-believing Republican wants to raise from the dead and run again and again. I didn’t care about Romney being a Mormon until he made such a big deal about it. What I did care about was that he said his favorite book is “Battlefield Earth,” written by the founder of Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard. Now, that scares me.

Huckleberry Hound won Iowa with a deft combination of ignorance, religious skullduggery, and uncanny resemblance to Richard Milhous Nixon. If you don’t believe me about his almost looking like a clone of “Tricky Dicky” just look at RMN’s early pictures. Huckleberry Hound is this writer’s choice for the nomination because between comparing him to Hanna Barbara cartoons (who will be his Attorney General, Quick-Draw McGraw?) and making fun of his name I’ll live fat and easy for the next four years.

I’m pretty sure no more Republicans are running. Wait a minute, I forgot:

John McCain: Great guy, war hero and a man who has more courage in the lobe of his left ear than any other candidate out there. When he talks about how ineffective torture is you can believe him because he underwent years of it.  He’d get my vote (if I were registered) except he is getting a little long in the tooth, can’t play the base guitar or the saxophone, and doesn’t have a cool name like Huckabee.

And finally – I almost forgot to mention Ron Paul, the only candidate with two first names. Every election needs its zim-dweebie and in 2008 it’ll be Ron. Putting him in charge of the country would be like giving Britney Spears the keys to the liquor and gun cabinets and then leaving your toddlers with her for the night. I’d be willing to be when he wasn’t playing Dungeons and Dragons as a kid he was reading “Battlefield Earth” just like Mitt.

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